Hello Faithful {but neglected} Followers!
I apologize for the 2 month gap between posts on this blog of ours. We were pretty much blind-sided by how consuming the transition to this lifestyle would be-in every way. It's peaceful and exhausting, lovely and messy, wonderful and chaotic, hilarious and emotional, and has required a full-life makeover.... in our spirits, emotions, bodies, and external surroundings. Here is a small glimpse of our ride thus far:
Mr. Toad's wild ride indeed.
About the author
Let me preface the following statements with this little tidbit about myself... I am not one to gloss over the reality of our situations and make you believe that everything is dreamy and idyllic, if there are also things that are challenging. I place high value on honesty and truth and getting a clear picture of our humanity-which is full of paradox, enigmas, and beauty in the mess of it all.
I believe that in the midst of perfection there can be great struggle and challenge, and it can still be called perfect and be just the way it was meant to be. If you were to talk to my optimist, peacemaking husband, you would hear that things are wonderful, exciting, new, hopeful, and we love "touring America!", and I am in full agreement with that statement. Yet, since I'm the one writing the blog, you'll also get to hear about the struggle, the wrestling, and the difficulty that makes this adventure so very 'humanly perfect.'
Wabi Sabi as the Japanese say- the celebration of all that is incomplete, imperfect, and impermanent. The 'flaws' are what makes it so very beautiful!
driving the rig for the first time... and the crazed hair that came with it. ;)
Expectations vs Reality
I think my expectations of this venture were that we'd take all of our strengths and brave the great unknown learning about the majestic outdoors, the marvelous simplicity of small-house living, the peaceful rhythm of nature, and quietness and ease of being "just us four".
Our view from the campsite in Cincinnati, OH.
Turns out, all of that is quite the opposite of what has actually taken place. While there are moments of this blissful, peaceful, restful, revival of sorts, there is also total chaos. Here is a bit of it in a sweet and condensed form so as not to lose you, our beloved friend and reader...
The things that have been most evident in this major life transition have not been all our "glorious strengths" but instead our most fragile and vulnerable weaknesses, and rather than braving the great unknown, we've mostly, rather reluctantly, crept from our 'relatively safe' four thin metal walls and experienced whatever activity and adventure each city had to offer that didn't completely terrify us to take on with our 2 little ones in tow. Bug bites that swelled and blistered up to the size of golf balls and lasted for over a month. Flies that swarmed us anytime we left the RV, and invited themselves into our food, our clothing, our hair. Breaking in a brand new RV by traveling 70mph non-stop-a sure fire way to "discover the kinks". The realization that I'm not so much anti-nature, as I am anti-flash thunderstorms that lead to floods, anti-spiders/bugs, mosquitos, wasps, creepy crawly whatevers that do more than just frighten us but bite and bring allergic reactions to boot, and anti-sweat, stink, and slime that seems to cover us whenever we are in temps over 78. HA! Little did I know that becoming a nature-lover would require so many showers and so much bug spray.
When you realize that your family's cul-de-sac is now a lake and you can't move your RV anywhere because it is on the highest solid ground... so you just watch it flood.
We experienced less of the peaceful nature and more of the stinky, stormy, aggressive variety, and instead of feeling fewer demands and more quiet because we were alone, we realized just how demanding and loud 4 transitioning, adjusting, emotional, tightly-quartered human beings can really be. We all have days where we show our fragility and so an extra measure of grace is required...
When your slide gets stuck and it takes 7 people to push it in, so you can drive it to the RV repair shop- where you spend the next 2 weeks waiting on parts...
The uncertainty and instability of this lifestyle can sometimes feel like purgatory for a slowly-recovering control freak, and I definitely have wanted to slide back into my oversized comfort zone and escape this part of my story. I've felt the urge to turn around, leave behind the awkwardness and discomfort to find something that feels safer and less volatile; knowing the whole time that this is where God is calling us and there is, in fact, nothing safer. This leaves me only one response to the stress and inner-turmoil that I feel at times: Since I can't change my situation, I must allow myself to change. I am not going to be able to "fix" my home or reorganize my way through the feeling of being out of control...
I've got to press into The Person that called me to this lifestyle and trust Him to lead me to the steady stream of peace- that flows from Him and lives in me... every. single. day. And some days I succeed at this, and some days not so much, but His grace covers that too.
When your driving down the road and you discover that the cabinet latches throughout the RV aren't strong enough to handle pot holes in the road, and 2 bottles of your favorite wine come crashing to the floor... it looks like this, and feels like glass shards in every crevice. It also looks like a cabinet full of bathroom products being dumped onto the counter and floor, but this photo is prettier with the crimson-colored everything.
I can't control the weather, the bugs, the sicknesses, the broken RV, the emotional outbursts of my family, the spiritual climate of a city, but I can control who I go to when things feel like too much for me. I've found myself at His feet a lot during this transition, sometimes, literally, crying out to Him as the storms (physically and inner) rage around and inside me. I'm finding that He is making ME into something good as He calls out all the bad and ugly that has been hiding inside because it was simply placated and pacified in my cushy "previous life".
He is patient and tender in His pruning and I see now that it took some of the messy of this life to draw out the messy of my own heart so that He could heal and restore it into what it was meant to be.
This is not a soap opera; there is LOTS of good too...
So that's all the bad and ugly side of this adventure thus far... and still the good is outweighing it, and I will certainly include some of that in the days (or months) to come. Gratefully, beyond all of this uncertainty and confusion, we have found ourselves right smack dab in the middle of God's divine plan, and it is the steady current that is carrying us through this ever-changing season. We are being transformed, refined, challenged and we are LOVING IT (by loving, I mean hating, but appreciating and valuing it beyond the pain of it- haha)! This is EXACTLY the kind of adventure that we have been craving- tired of our convenient, cluttered lives and primed for something that required every ounce of strength- physically and beyond.
Moments of peace, rest, beauty and connection in the midst of the stress of a breaking RV.
This is what life really should be about: challenges and struggle and exhaustion- it's how we know that we are getting the most out of it. Now, I don't believe this is what ALL of life should feel like, but I am okay with the seasons of labor so that I can experience the plentiful harvests and this just happens to be one of our seasons of labor, on the beautiful, exciting, wide-open American Road. (alright, alright, Fletcher....so it's not all labor- there is definitely a healthy dose of wonder and delight too!) ;)
The last night in our house- these were the last items to go into boxes. I think this might be what I miss most about the house.
I'm certainly learning to savor it, knowing it is fleeting. And anytime we think, in our most whiney, childish voice, "if only it was easier. If only we had our big house with our jetted tub, our working a/c, and our separate spaces," we think of the dissatisfaction and boredom that came with it- and we say with confidence,
"this is well worth it."
This is everything we want, and surprisingly exactly what we asked for when we said, "we want whatever you have for us God!" This is part of us living out our dreams, finding victories after every struggle, clinging to the smallest moments of hope, and realizing that the weaknesses we see only mean that there will be lots of progress still ahead- and we can't wait!
The girls after we woke them at 4AM to carry them through the storm and inside to my sister's safe and dry house during the Houston floods. What is REALLY important is safe and sound, and that's all that matters! God has been abundantly faithful through every bend in the road. He has protected and strengthened us at every turn.
I want to know who we'll be on the other side of this journey... so I'll do my best to update yall along the way- so yall can be a part of the progress....but if all goes quiet on the blog-front, just know we're figuring it out: and stripping away the unnecessary to focus on what matters most. (not that you don't matter, mind you.) ;)
If you are reading this: THANK YOU! I've loved the comments, texts, and prayers from all of you following our journey- even if the installments have been delayed- we're glad to know we aren't alone in this messy adventure.
Love your less-than-glamorous Glampions.